Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Holiday in Craftlandia

On Saturday I finally got round to doing the Bermondsey Beer Mile. As I'm now a light weight I was a little concerned how I'd get on, which wasn't helped by the song that started going round my head. Where once I'd heard the a stiring call to arms from Natalie Merchant, this time it was Jello Biafra sneering at me:


So you drunk cask beer
For a year or two
And you know you've seen it all
In a locals's bar
Thinkin' you'll go far
'Cos you've been on a pub crawl

Drinking twiggy beer
That is always clear
In your run down public house
Braggin' that you know
How the fuggles taste right
And the beer's drinking well tonight

It's time to taste what you most fear
CAMRA card gets no discount here
Brace yourself, my dear,
Brace yourself, my dear:

It's a holiday in Craftlandia
Where grapefruit if for life
It's a holiday in Craftlandia
Don't forget that murk is rife

You're a beer-belly sneech
Who always likes to preach
You want everyone to drink like you
Sip cask while you bitch
Craft sellers get rich
But your mates get bored of you

Well you'll drink harder
From the keg at the back
Double fisting IPA
Pound IBUs
Till you feel
Like your tongue is skewered on a stake

Now you can go where people are one
Now you can go where the beer is AWESOME
What you need, my son,
What you need, my son:

Is a holiday in Craftlandia
Where hipsters beards are black
A holiday in Craftlandia
Where you'll drink keg or crack

Whole hop, Whole hop, Whole hop, Whole hop ...

And it's a holiday in Craftlandia
Where you'll drink big and bold
A holiday in Craftlandia
Where cheap beer's never sold

Whole hop.

Tune in next week to see how I got on in my holiday in craftlandia.

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