Thursday 11 December 2014

Today I committed murder

The day I most dreaded has arrived. Today I committed murder. I knew in my current job it was likely to happen sooner or later and finally that awful moment arrived. We cold bloodedly took a poor innocent beer, subjected it to torture, and snuffed out its life.

First we forced it through something resembling a medieval torture device:

Well, a plate and frame filter anyway

Then we subjected it to the gravest of indignities: we added extraneous CO2:

The beer strapped to the next torture device
See how it struggled to escape:

But there was to be no escape here.

After artificial carbonation we then bottled the beer...

 ...and put it in the death chamber, I mean pasteuriser:

Once it was shut inside the moment that sealed the fate of the beer, and I fear my immortal soul, arrived.

I started the pasteuriser.

This was no venial sin, like using a cask breather. Murdering beer is a mortal sin. I doomed several crates of beer to an unreal zombeer existence. Surely now hell awaits me.


  1. One keg at a time is murder, possibly even a massacre, but the whole bright tank would have been genocide.

  2. "A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic". I'm going to have to switch back to my Stalin avatar at this rate!

  3. 'course, making out that it's your "job" is pretty much the Nuremberg defense.

  4. I know, I know, the parallels between my job and a concentration camp guard are uncanny.