Monday, 4 August 2014

Are you worthy of craft beer?

Though the question of what craft beer actually is has now been answered, you might not be aware that the equally vexing question of whether you are worthy enough to drink it remains. Like me you may have though that you qualified by a simple willingness to hand over your money and pour the beer down your throat, but if you did you were sadly mistaken. 

I've only just become aware of this, but I really should have realised it earlier. Modestly talking of their own beers craft brewers Stone, and by an amazing coincidence Brewdog, have put it clearly:

"It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth." 
 
Now thanks to a post on the Total Ales blog I know that by answering a simple question you can learn if are one of the sophisticated craft beer elite and worthy enough to drink the nectar of the gods, or just a low life bottom feeder that deserves nothing more than boring brown bitter that oxidises instantaneously the moment it’s tapped. 

The ultimate question of life, the universe and craft beer that must be answered is:

Do you know who John fucking Kimmich is?

I’ve put up a handy poll on the blog so you can register your answer, don’t forget to close the door on the way out if you answer no.

32 comments:

  1. Did he used to play for Middlesbrough before moving to Borussa Dortmund?

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  2. One John fucking Kimmich, there's only one John fucking Kimmich...

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  3. I thought he was a Korean Food Magnate

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    1. I thought of fermented Korean food too.

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  4. Answered your poll, hope you get the result you were hoping for. Tell you what, if we do ever meet then the first round's on me.

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    1. Cheers, might bump into you at the trade day. I'll be wearing a 'Do you know who John fucking Kimmich is?' t-shirt ;-)

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    2. It's an interesting question actually. Just how aware of little details of the US craft scene is the average UK craftster? Of course a bit broken now since anyone coming to *this* blog probably does now know who John Kimmich is... perhaps should have worded the poll "Did you know who John Kimmich was before #SnobGate?"

      Matt has done a stellar job as Mr Kimmich's PR person in the UK beer scene ;)

      I didn't know who John Kimmich was. I do know his beer, I know a lot of US beers by name but have next to zero interest or knowledge about who brews or owns them. Met Chuck Silva yesterday, seemed a good brewing chap, but the name would have been meaningless before then. (I even forgot his name at the time.) There are of course some outliers... those that have written books, have been pushed by BrewDog, etc.

      Anyone have time to set up a "have you heard of..." Survey Monkey?

      -Yvan

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    3. Please send the sample cans of Heady Topper to the following address:

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    4. Matt's post will obviously have raised awareness of John Kimmich but that's a good thing, as it means more people will be worthy of craft beer. I shudder to think how few of you would have been worthy without it.

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  5. "Do you know who John fucking Kimmich is?"

    The answer is NO, and what's more I don't fucking care either!!

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    1. Now *there* is your beer snobbery.

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  6. Oh Guys, snobbery is the most fun thing about beer bloggery. One of the few reasons to read it. Long may snobbery continue. Let's have a twissup in the spoons so we can look down our nose at the working class none beer geekery that drink mainstream products at value prices!

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  7. I had the offending beer last night in my local JDW, somewhat ironically after I'd read Matt's post that has caused all the rumpus.

    It cost me £1.70.

    I enjoyed the beer very much.

    I still don't give a fuck who John fucking Kimmich is.

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    1. Probably for the best. Matt enjoyed the beer too but knowing who John fucking Kimich is he still felt very disappointed.

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  8. Its not so much that the beer is "too good" for spoons, its just aimed at a different demographic. Its just a poor choice of product outlet.

    There is nothing snobby or judgemental in observing that some products would be more likely to be successful in specific sales channels. Its like being a DJ at a mainstream nightclub and putting on some captain beefheart, or Daphne and Celeste playing Reading Festival.

    Its not better or worse, its just completely inappropriate.

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  9. Seeing Daphne and Celeste is one of my best memories of Reading. Though admittedly the bit I enjoyed was watching thousands of people charge forward to try and chuck bottles of piss at them. But I digress.

    As Wetherspoons keep doing their collagoration brews I suspect that they are in fact successful, despite what beer snobs may think of them.



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    1. More pub snobs, than beer snobs, surely?

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    2. I think beer snob is the term for looking down at the other drinkers in a pub because you assume they're only there for cheap beer and won't appreciate quality.

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    3. But that is the truth of the matter.

      There's nothing judgemental about that, its simply the business model that wetherspoons have created and the market segment that they attract as a result.

      Shouting "snob" at anyone who has the temerity to disagree with your assessment of this particular marketing strategy is neither helpful nor accurate.

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    4. It's not the truth of the matter though. All sorts of people go into 'Spoons, and even if they are going for cheap beer why shouldn't they drink great cheap beer?

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    5. What beer geeks think is great beer is not the same as what your average spoons punter will think is great beer. I should know, I used to be one when I was a student and a conoisseur of cheap lager.

      Taste in beer is as subjective as taste in music, a niche beer like this is far less likely to go down well in a chain pub that pushes microwaved food and cheap lager like wetherspoons than it is in a pub specifically marketed at beer enthusiasts.

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  10. Its just annoying that to get a good beer you have to go into a shit pub. Its like we're being tested somehow.

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  11. This isn't half flushing out the snobs who then excuse their snobbishness by pseudo market segmenting science.

    JDW attract quite a broaddemograhic, though whether they give a toss about craft beer, cask beer or any other beer is moot.

    So like my good friend Paul Bailey ""Do you know who John fucking Kimmich is?"

    The answer is NO, and what's more I don't fucking care either!!"

    Great stuff Ed. You should let yourself off the leash more often.

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    1. Isn't it just? The large number of handpumps, the beer festivals, the brewer collaborations, the bringing De Koninck over to be casked, the number of pubs in the Good Beer Guide and the number of pubs with Cask Marque accreditation suggest to me that 'Spoons take beer seriously. Shame it's all wasted on the punters that drink there unless Matt or py are in though!

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    2. If the best argument you can think of in defence of wetherspoons is "you're a snob if you don't like it", then you've not got any kind of argument at all. More a childish insult. But then we're used to that.

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    3. "More a childish insult. But then we're used to that" - bit rich that when I think of some of the stuff you've come out with in the past.

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    4. and your ongoing abusive, personal and unpleasant trolling of Boak and Bailey across of range of formats is what exactly, John, mature and intellectual discourse?

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    5. QED I guess. But more seriously, my exchanges with B&B have for the most part been extremely civilised (I even helped with their, very good, book in a small way). So where you get "ongoing", "trolling" and "range of formats" from is anyone's guess. But then again you do have something of a record and reputation for making things up as you go along.

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    6. I had made clear that 'Spoons do put a lot of effort into promoting beer. The beer range does attract people to 'Spoons, and if you think decent beer is wasted on the people who drink there you are a snob.

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  12. In the early 2000s they also casked up some Herold Black Lager. It was nectar when I tried it in the slightly grotty Woolwich branch, but it inspired me to brew one as a special at ZeroDegrees & AFAIK it's still going. Craft will eat itself :-D

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  13. I've no idea who poor John Fookin Kimmich is either, but I'm starting to feel rather sorry for him

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    1. Yes, his name has rather been taken in vain. I owe him a pint if I ever meet him, though hopefully in 'Spoons as the beer's cheap there ;-)

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