Due to the current
lockdown situation many people find themselves in there has been a
welcome upsurge in the amount of beer blogging, a pastime that had
become much less popular since it became possible to say so much less
in 280 characters on twitter. My own blogging has also been withering
away, as to be honest I’ve got better things to do with my time.
But
Boak and Bailey reviving their call for Beery Long Reads has once
again motivated me to get back to the keyboard about something I’ve
been meaning to post on for some time,
with an added topical twist.
Since the corona virus
crisis started a number of theories have been offered about the
origin of the virus. Most people are blaming the eating of bats, but
eating bats is nothing new. We’ve had it happening years ago and I
don’t remember any problems arising when Ozzy Osbourne ate a bat.
Others blame a Chinese laboratory for creating the virus, but I think
they’ve just been getting reality mixed up with The Survivors
programme.
Strangest of all, some conspiraloons are blaming 5G masts.
Electromagnetic radiation creating a virus? I don’t get that one at
all.
No, none of these
theories ring true. As a person of faith the real cause of this
terrible disease is clear. And his name is Des De Moor. This might
come as a surprise to some, but bear with me. To his shame he wrote
on his blog a screed titled “
Love Beer, Hate Pubs”, much to the
approval of a baying mob of godless beer geeks. As a punishment for this, and
admittedly three years later but you know god does move in mysterious
ways, a pestilence has been unleashed upon the land forcing pubs to
close. And killing tens of thousands of people, but as I said,
mysterious ways. Now that the pubs are shut are the pub haters happy
I wonder? That god has shown us what the world is like without pubs
will I hope force them to repent their wicked ways and beg
forgiveness. Certainly a few Acts of Contrition and Hail Protzes are
called for. But as we now have more free time on our hands let’s
look at what Des wrote and highlight the error of his ways.
He starts by describing
the link between beer and pubs as an accident of history, as it has
always been possible to enjoy beer outside of pubs. These are the
sort of words the devil might whisper in your ear to keep you away
from pubs. For the evil lord knows that cask beer, that is beer
served as god intended, is only found in pubs. So by staying away
from pubs and drinking at home you are doing the devil's work.
Des does admit the
symbiotic link between cask beer and pubs, but down plays the
significance as beer can now be found in other places, like bars,
coffee shops and farmers' markets in bottles, cans and 'craft keg'
form. Note the dispense format conspicuously absent from that list!
He then compounds his grave errors by actually encouraging people to
drink from bottles when they're in a pub! After doing Satan's work he
then praises cask beer, presumably to disorientate the faithful.
Anything that stops people going to pubs and drinking cask beer is surely advancing Satan’s plan and being hateful to god. Besides
which, cask beer really does taste better than beer served from
inferior packaging formats.
He then moves on to pub
closures and seems to me to be strangely ill informed. Talk of the
smoking ban is dismissed as inconclusive, but whatever your views on
it, it undoubtedly discouraged some regular pub goers. The high tax
we pay on beer is also discounted as off trade beer is also taxed.
That the high taxes means the price differential between on and off
trade beer is increased due to the mark up, making pubs even less
economically viable, is not discussed but surely is another big
factor working against pubs.
That
there are "certain problems with the pubco model" is
conceded, shortly before he starts talking about how it works for
some companies, presumably ones based in the Cayman Islands. If perhaps
Des didn't hate pubs he would have talked to a few more publicans and
found out how long they can work for so little return. Pubcos are
certainly not an innocent party when it comes to pub closures, and
Des does admit that the financial interest of pubcos might have
nothing to do with running successful pubs compared to selling them
for other uses. The Market Rent Option, which is meant to allow
publicans to become free of tie on the beer they sell has not just
been “slow and dogged by controversy”. It has been fought tooth
and nail every step of the way by the pubcos, and they’ve been very
successful too, which shows exactly how hard things are for
publicans.
We then get on to
trends in society and how people's homes are now more comfortable.
Which I'm sure is all true but I don't see why it would make you hate
pubs. Pub campaigners are characterised as being old fashioned and
resisting social change as much as the loss of amenities that pub closures
bring. That UKIP have a campaign against pub closures is said to be
"no great surprise", but people from all sorts of
political tendencies have also campaigned against pub closures so I really
don't see what this is supposed to prove except trying to smear pub
campaigners as being right wing little Englanders.
Strangely he doesn't
see how pubs are uniquely British, though he can see how Scottish
pubs differ from English. I'm not really sure what to say about that
one, other than I've drunk in a lot of establishments in a lot of
countries and pubs are definitely distinctive. Though he's quite
right about Scottish pubs, they tend to be more like bars than
English pubs and all the worse for it if you ask me.
Rather disparagingly
it's also claimed that pub campaigners are only interested in old wet
led boozers with wizened regulars glued to the bar. No evidence is
presented for this, but wet led pubs have certainly suffered more
from closures so it's quite possible that there have been more
campaigns to save them. That micropubs, tap rooms and restaurants are
opening is praised which is where we get to the heart of matter. He
really does hate pubs. That a dozen or so have closed near his flat
doesn’t bother him as he doubts they sold any interesting beer.
There’s a couple of things to say about this. Firstly not many
places can lose a dozen pubs and still have plenty of good places to
go drinking in. It might not be a problem if you live in London but
what if you live in a village with only one pub and that closes? Mind
you, Des does have previous form for
London imperialism. Secondly, he
is clearly the type of beer geek that is always seeking new things to
drink and doesn’t care where they drink them or in what format.
Which is fine if that’s what floats your boat, but personally if I
can get decent beer in a decent pub I’m happy to stick with the
same drink all night and though I’m pleased how the range of beers
available has expanded over the years I don’t feel the need to be
always seeking something new.
Though alternative to
pubs are opening, of the pubs that close no mention is made that many
end up as shops or flats with nowhere for anyone to drink beer,
traditional or modern. Instead we hear about the hard times he had in
some pubs in his youth, and how social conformity was enforced.
Before contradicting himself by mentioning how different groups and
cultures had their own pubs. Certainly there are rough pubs, but
there are also great pubs that make everyone welcome, and these
include wet led traditional boozers. That pubs reflect society is
hardly surprising so I don’t see why they should all be tarred with
the same brush as the worst examples. And though he might not be sad
when they shut are the wizened old regulars likely to start going to
start drinking in trendy new tap rooms? I suspect not. Some might
like to embrace the latest fashion, but if you’ve already found
something you like I don’t see why fighting to defend it should be
considered a problem.
Cold words of comfort
are offered that "pub like establishments" will still cater
for the demand for drinking beer in a social space. Which I'm sure is
fine for those that hate pubs, but for those of us that love them
nothing beats a proper pub. I've made so many friends in pubs,
including many of my oldest and best friends. I had my living room furnished when I was in need thanks to learning who was getting rid of
furniture via a pub, and if I want recommendations for a local
tradesman I know where to ask. I might be wrong but I can't see any
of that happening at a tap room, restaurant or shop. Pubs are a
British cultural institution, and some of us happen to love them.
They deserve to be defended.
